Bobbie Viney’s here from Australia to talk about ghosting.
Ghosting is what happens when someone with whom you thought you had a relationship suddenly stops communicating. You can text/message them all you like, you won’t get anything back.
Or in Bobbie’s own words:
‘A pretty f***ing dog move that shows little or no consideration for other human beings.’
Judging by the response from today’s audience, Bobbie’s not alone in her suffering. Is ghosting a modern phenomenon? Probably not, but it’s definitely getting worse.
Bobbie knew she had to move on from the man she’d thought cared about her, but she couldn’t. So in the end she did two things; she wrote a show about it all, and she (unexpectedly) found closure. And she’s here to tell us that closure was worth it.
Closure at a Self-Serve Checkout is Bobbie’s story of self-delusion, betrayal, heartbreak, misery, and a final settling of scores. It’s a story she illustrates with original songs and a Powerpoint presentation. Some of it’s funny, some of it’s sad; most of it will probably strike a chord with most of us.
Bobbie had ‘a type’ – she thinks we all do. Unfortunately hers was a type with a name unprintable here, but defined by the Urban Dictionary as
‘Someone who should not be trusted and is the reason for a lot of people’s trust issues….someone who is unable to be truly present…’
I’m sure you can work it out. He had a moustache. But as Bobbie says:
‘It’s not gender-specific; it’s a vibe.’
When Bobbie was ghosted, she was devastated, and she wanted to know why it had happened to her. Cue her first song; it’s about moustaches and how putting on a fake one (which she does) can’t cover up the pain.
She continues with another song, this one more critical of herself. In Don’t Fall for a Gemini, she examines the all too common female practice of blaming oneself and trying to change to please an evasive, commitment-phobic, man. Like most of us, Bobbie thought she was too good a feminist to fall prey to all that nonsense. Like most of us, she wasn’t.
The narrative, and the songs, alternate between pathos and humour; a song entitled Post Coital Compliments, for which she’s collated the experiences of several of her friends, is very funny indeed, and certainly does underline that old saying about men and women coming from wildly different planets. One of her friends slept with a man who then asked if he could buy her Lego collection. I like to think she asked him what he planned to do with it.
Bobbie has also written a poem, one that sums up the dilemma in which so many modern women – and no doubt some men as well – find themselves. Why, when relationships are so fraught, do we have such a need to be with someone? And why do the people we want to be with so often want only to be with somebody else?
‘Why her? What do I lack?’
We try to change ourselves to fit what we think is the template of attractiveness – making ourselves feel silly and compromised in the process – only to find that it isn’t what that other person wants after all. They just don’t want us, whatever form we take. So now we’re dumped and confused, not to mention very cross with ourselves for ever being so un-feminist in the first place.
The Phoebe Bridges’ song Funeral, which Bobbie sings with real emotion, brings some perspective. If someone’s child is dead, is our heartbreak really such a big deal? Though whether knowing that makes it any easier to cope, or simply leaves us feeling like even more of a bad person, is indeed a question.
For Bobbie, what eventually worked was closure. Her friends warned her off, but she knew she needed it. Many of us wouldn’t be as brave as she was; women are generally (and insidiously) taught neither to challenge nor to confront men. Bobbie kicked over the traces, and ultimately, she was able to move on.
Closure at a Self-Serve Checkout is a courageous show; Bobbie bares her heart to us, and she does it all alone, there is no supporting cast. She is truthful, and witty, and speaks from the heart, building an instant empathy with the audience. And if today she occasionally missed a cue, I think we should cut her some slack in what was her first performance at this year’s Fringe. Go along and remind yourself that whatever has happened in your dismal love life has no doubt happened in someone else’s – in fact it may well have been worse. And if Bobbie can see the funny side of what was a very bad time in her life, so can you. You’re still alive; you can still smell the roses.
She’s got another boyfriend now. He’s got a moustache too. Maybe there are a lot more of them in Australia?
Closure at a Self-Serve Checkout is at theSpaceTriplex (Studio), The Prince Philip Building, (entrance in Hill Place) at 11.05am every day until 12 August, then at theSpace@Surgeons Hall (Theatre 2), Nicolson Street, at 11.15am every day from 16 to 26 August (NB no performance on 13, 14 & 15 August.)
