This piece might have contained a review of Phil Wang’s new show, UH OH. As will become evident, however, that was not to be the case.

The question of affordability

Armed with a coffee from Bedrock, I made my way through a damp, post-shower Cowgate. At 3pm on a Thursday, it was hardly thronged, just a steady trickle of festival-goers heading to shows and dodging eager flyerers. I was heading to Monkey Barrel to try my luck for a seat, a venue where I’ve seen some excellent shows over the years.

Affordability is a prominent topic at the Fringe, for performers and audiences alike. A recent BBC article asked how affordable Edinburgh’s festivals really are. One substantial response has been the Free Fringe, including the original PBH’s Free Fringe and organisations such as Laughing Horse with its Free Festival. Other venues offer Pay What You Want (PWYW) tickets.

Monkey Barrel operates a model in which 90% of tickets are sold in advance at affordable prices, guaranteeing a seat, while the remaining 10% are reserved for PWYW on the day. To bag one of those remaining spots, however, you need to queue early, particularly when the show in question stars a television regular like Phil Wang.

It’s the hope that kills you

I joined the queue at Monkey Barrel 3 on Blair Street at 3.15pm with about twenty people ahead of me. Based on past experience, I thought I stood a decent chance. Everything hinged on how many of the paid seats had been claimed.

The ticketed queue was gathered on the other side of the entrance, making it difficult to judge its length without abandoning my spot. If I had seen it stretching down Blair Street, I might have given up there and then. As the saying goes, it’s the hope that kills you.

Behind me, backup strategies were already being hatched. “If we don’t get in, we’ll go across the road and try one of the shows there,” one person suggested, referring to the Free Festival options at The City Cafe. As more hopefuls arrived, discussions bubbled up about whether waiting was even worth it. I mentioned my previous good luck with PWYW queues, while making sure to add that there were no guarantees.

A few minutes later, a member of the Monkey Barrel team arrived to check the line, making sure ticket holders hadn’t mistakenly joined the PWYW queue. After a quick head count, she offered a gentle reality check: “Just to let you know, some of you won’t be getting in.”

Right on cue, the flyerers descended, seizing their opportunity to pitch to a captive audience unable to leave without forfeiting its place. Performer David Magidoff took full advantage, pointing out that he was interviewing Phil Wang as part of his own show, Making Love with David Magidoff, at Assembly George Square. “Since you guys are queueing to see Phil, perhaps you’d like to come see my show this evening?” he suggested. The line broadly agreed that his logic was flawless, and he appeared to secure a few extra ticket sales on the spot.

The moment of truth

The tension mounted as the previous show finished, disgorging its audience onto the pavement before they dispersed into the Old Town. Within a few minutes, we would know our fate. It was becoming increasingly obvious that the ticketed queue was massive. Backup plans were whispered, but nobody actually left.The staff member returned with a more direct update: “I’m going to be honest: it’s really unlikely that you guys will get in.”

The mood dipped, but defeat had not yet been officially accepted. “Keep your fingers crossed,” someone behind me told his friend. “I think we’re relying on no-shows at this point,” came the reply. Still, nobody moved. “We’ve waited this long, we’ll not quit now.”

Then came the moment of truth. With the ticketed crowd safely inside, the first half-dozen PWYW hopefuls were called down the metal steps into the basement venue. Then the line stalled. A few moments later, three or four more were let in, followed by a trickle of ones and twos. Finally, the staff member delivered the definitive blow: “Sorry, that’s it. It’s a full house.”

A queue that would end the right way

She did not rudely dismiss us, thanking everyone for waiting and gently adding, “You can always try tomorrow.”

I briefly considered looking for an alternative show. But after standing in one spot for nearly an hour, I decided I simply needed to stretch my legs. I wandered up the Royal Mile into the late afternoon warmth. Needing somewhere cool, I ducked into the National Library to check out an exhibition. Completely queue-free.

However, having drunk plenty of water while waiting outside Monkey Barrel, I soon needed a loo. I found myself facing a line of more than a dozen people.

This time, at least, I knew the queue would end the right way.