Tone Def Tony and his musical team which includes Finch and Donnelly have released a new single – I Got P*$$ed With Santa Claus – intended to be a fundraiser for the licensed trade.

This is a revisiting of a fundraising song originally written by Tony during the 2018 World Cup. Tony’s two friends Finch and Davey liked the idea then, and tried to set the lyrics to music. They are not professional musicians, however and failed to meet the deadline. Now, with more time on their hands during lockdown, they took up the project again.

The musicians all love their locals and have put their efforts into releasing the track for Christmas to raise some funds for those working in the pub trade who have been so affected by lockdown restrictions.

The trio all live in Kent, so what is the Edinburgh connection?

Well, the Santa Claus in the video which goes with the song is none other than the cruciverbalist behind the crosswords in our monthly newspaper, Dave Albury. We’re sure you will agree he makes a very effective Santa, and he is available for any Secret Santas you may be planning on Zoom or any other platform – or he will be when he is released from police custody.

Santa aka Dave Albury

You can help by downloading or streaming the Christmas song.

The fundraisers say that half of the download royalties will help those in the pub trade and if they get to Christmas #1 then they will donate all of the royalties.

The song is available now on YouTube and Facebook and other music platforms (not entirely suitable for children though!)

The lyrics:

I GOT P*$$ED WITH SANTA CLAUS

(Alternative: “Won’t Be No Presents On Christmas Day!”)

It was Christmas Eve when Santa came by, I’d left him some milk an’ a juicy mince pie, I heard his sleigh landin’ on the roof, an’ a clip-a-ti-clop of a reindeer hoof,
“Ho, ho, ho, what’s all this? More Christmas food, I’d rather be on the piss!”

I sprung out of me chair an’ gave ‘im a fright, “I’m up fer that, let’s make it a night!”
So we ‘opped in ‘is sleigh an’ flew to a bar – it was a damn sight faster an’ safer than me car! Rudi an’ the elves had tagged along, So we all drank up and sang this song…

I got pissed with Santa Claus, He’s gonna get it from ‘er indoors,
Won’t be no gifts for kids this year, ‘Cos Santa an’ me went out for a beer…
We went out for a beer, did a pub crawl, Got lashed up, got into a brawl.
The cops turned up and put us away, So there won’t be no presents on Christmas Day! Won’t be no presents on Christ-mas Day… Won’t be no presents on Christ-mas Day… Won’t be no presents on Christ-mas Day…‘Cos Santa an’ me got put away!

“But all that ‘appened much later…”

That pub ‘ad shut, so, back in the sleigh, “I know a pub that’s open all day!”
We tossed out all the presents to make more room, off went Rudi, zoom-zoom-zoom!
The night was filled with Christmas cheer, As we did some shots and drank more beer,
We landed with a bump ‘cos Rudi was pissed, Santa just laughed, “I won’t be missed!”
The drinks turned up an’ we knocked ‘em back, Getting pissed with Santa is a blindin’ crack! We were so f’in’ drunk, Somefin ‘ad to go wrong, but we kept on drinking and singing this song…

CHR:

“Sure enough, ‘ere comes trouble…”

CHR:

Some tossers got the ‘ump an’ started a fight, All ‘ell broke out that Christmas night! Santa got clocked, an’ the elves pitched in, Rudi felt sick an’ puked in the bin. About that time the cops came along, As they led us away we sang our song…

I got pissed with Santa Claus, He’s gonna get it from ‘er indoors,
Won’t be no gifts for kids this year, ‘Cos Santa an’ me went out for a beer…
We went out for a beer, did a pub crawl, Got lashed up, got into a brawl.
The cops turned up and put us away, So there won’t be no presents on Christmas Day! Won’t be no presents on Christ-mas Day…
Won’t be no presents on Christ-mas Day…
Won’t be no presents on Christ-mas Day…
‘Cos Santa an’ me got put away!

Oi Santa, you’re nicked!
”Ho, ho, ho… Merry Bloody Christmas!”

(c) 2018, 2019, 2020 Anthony James Donnelly/ Finch, Davey, & Donnelly