‘Tis the season to be merry and to lose yourself in the fantastic world of pantomime. It’s a joyous escape from the grind of real life. Just about every theatre in Scotland has its variation of the well-loved children’s stories.
Aladdin at the King’s Theatre in Glasgow, Cinderella in Aberdeen, Weans in the Woods at Stirling, Snow White in Inverness, Jack and the Beanstalk at both Dundee Rep and Edinburgh’s Festival Theatre. There’s even a pantomime exhibition at the City Chambers in Glasgow, bringing the history of farce into the very heart of local government. Maybe we need a pantomime exhibition in The Scottish Parliament.
Maybe we already have one. My suggestions note that First Minister, John Swinney, might not dress up as the dame, which would have to be played by Nicola Sturgeon. She, like Elaine C Smith, would be the first woman in the history of pantomime to play the part of the Dame. Anas Sarwar could play the Genie promising things would be better under Labour. Russell Findlay could play Scrooge calling for a return to Victorian values and low tax and low spend. The Green’s co-leaders Ross Greer and Gillian Mackay would make a nice Jack and Jill in Jack and the Beanstalk.
But outside parliament there are plenty of fantastical things going on. This week we have the World Cup tickets going on sale and the Tartan Army is on mad manoeuvres to get hold of them. It seems crazy to me to stage a football competition in three different countries, so far away and in the height of summer – this when we are supposed to be flying less and turning down the air conditioning.
Then there’s our anxiety about the health service, with everyone calling for “reform” but no one spelling out what reform looks like. This week we learned that a record 43 per cent of school pupils have “additional support needs”. The oil industry doesn’t know whether it’s coming or going with different government policies depending on who you talk to. We are all chasing the Holy Grail of economic growth, whatever that looks like, and never finding it.
Cutting waste
There’s continued talk of cutting “waste” in the public services, as if private services have no waste. But two examples do come to mind. Judges are sending more and more people to jail for longer but more inmates are having to be released early because the prisons are over-crowded. It makes a mockery of sentencing and rehabilitation. Then there’s the £250 million we’ve wasted on long public inquiries over the last 20 years which only resulted in findings we already knew about and much pain and anguish for the victims.
All parties have been talking about reforming council tax for 20 years but can’t bring themselves to do anything about it – though the mansion tax might help, if Scotland’s is to follow the good example in England. There’s the disturbing business of the battle of the flags and the hijacking of the Saltire by the far-right. Council workers are being attacked for taking down anti-immigration Saltires and putting up Christmas lights.
On a UK level, there’s been plenty of “Oh yes it is, oh no it isn’t”. Mother Goose, the Chancellor Rachel Reeves, finds herself trapped by her unnesessary manifesto promise not to raise the main taxes but somehow squeezes round it by putting up other taxes. The prime minister and Knight of the Realm, Sir Keir Starmer, is playing the part of a slightly confused policeman running about the stage trying to stop the boats, end child poverty, organise a coalition of the willing over Ukraine and trying to undo the damage caused by Brexit. He’s obviously a little fearful of the grinning cat on the right of the stage, Nigel Farage.
All this is taking place in a world of dangerous pantomime. President Trump, Tsar Putin and Emperor Xi dominate the stage like three evil giants and all us little people run about beneath their feet.
I wish someone would blow a whistle or call “fire” in this mad theatre and let us all escape into the real world where peace, prosperity, climate change and people’s lives matter.
