These are reputed to be genuine letters of complaint to local authorities in Scotland….
1.. I wish to report that tiles are missing from the outside toilet roof. I think it was bad wind the other day that blew them off.

2..My lavatory seat is cracked, where do I stand?

3.. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is coming away from the wall.

4… Will you please send someone to mend the garden path. My wife tripped and fell on it yesterday and now she is pregnant.

5.. I request permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.

6.. 50% of the walls are damp, 50% have crumbling plaster, and 50% are plain filthy.

7.. I am still having problems with smoke in my new drawers.

8.. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bath the children until it is cleared.

9..Will you please send a man to look at my water, it is a funny colour and not fit to drink.

10..Our lavatory seat is broken in half and now is in three pieces.

11…Our kitchen floor is damp. We have two children and would like a third so please send someone round to do something about it.

12..I am a single woman living in a downstairs flat and would you please do something about the noise made by the man on top of me every night.

13.. I have had the clerk of works down on the floor six times but I still have no satisfaction.

14.. This is to let you know that our lavatory seat is broke and we can’t get BBC2.